I wish you could order shots online.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
