Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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