You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
