Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
