Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
So squirting runs in the family.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
