Screwed.edu
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
