yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
