You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
