so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Randomize
