I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
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