i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I intend to get homeless drunk
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Randomize
