i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
