i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
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You kept trying to hail an ambulance
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize