Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
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