I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
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