I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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