This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Randomize
