If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
