Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Randomize
