Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
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We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
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Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
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