I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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