So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I stole a fireplace last night.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Randomize
