I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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