How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
