And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
