so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
