I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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