I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Randomize
