worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Randomize
