My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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