Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Randomize
