I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
