So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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