very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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