Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Randomize
