Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
