My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
