I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
