They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
