You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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