Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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