Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
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