what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
