I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
