i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
