He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
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