Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
They took my balls.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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