Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
