I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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