halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
