Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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