omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
