I wish I only lived at night.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
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If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
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Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Randomize