Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
