Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Randomize
