I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Randomize
