Is it normal to miss your booty call?
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
