speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
I'm really busy with my period
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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