Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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