I feel like abortions should bother me more
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize