I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Randomize
