I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
