i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
