Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Randomize
