Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
