All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I believe in your delicious
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
