You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
