I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
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