I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
