Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
